FIREPROOF - Part 5: Living Changes (Conclusion)

 

Change will begin with you... I can still remember how a couple of years ago, I was trying to figure out how to re-ignite the fire that I felt had gone out in my marriage. I desperately longed for and missed the woman that came and sat on my lap when I presented her with an engagement ring. The woman that was not to ashamed to look me in the eyes and tell me that she loved me occasionally. The woman that would actually take me by the hand and lead me back to the bedroom sometimes. It was like that woman disappeared not long after we were married... and I never saw her again after the children were born. And no amount of heart to heart conversation, prayer, fasting, or weeping would bring her back. It didn't matter how much I hit the gym to change my physique, what college degree or job I obtained, what hobbies of hers that I tried to share in... things seemed to only deteriorate. Be that as it may, I entered into a covenant with this woman before God. So I was not going to give up, despite how I felt. One weekend I thought that I would go back to the beginning. Back to square one. I would retrace my steps and do the things that we did when we were first married. I thought I would surprise her with something from Victoria's Secret.

About halfway there I was arrested by a still small voice that seemed to come from within. I heard this voice as clear as someone speaking right in front of me... yet I could not describe what it sounded like. However, I knew it was the Holy Spirit. This prompting of the heart was in direct opposition to everything I was planning. And I had recently had some experiences that opened my understanding insomuch that I could discern His voice when He spoke to me. He prompted me with a simple question.

"Who are you buying these things for?"

I thought for a long while on that. Suddenly the understanding hit me like blinding white light flooding a dark room. I wasn't buying these things for my wife. I was buying them for myself... to satisfy my own lusts.

I remember early on in our marriage I found that my wife owned a piece of lingerie. So I reasoned that she must like things like that. I began to occasionally buy her similar things and she never protested or complained. However, it just dawned on me that I've only ever seen her wear the piece that she originally owned once... and the things that I bought her (nothing risqué, just silky pajamas, shorts, and robes) she hardly ever wore except on special occasions like Valentine's day or something. I began to understand... she didn't really like those things. She never did. Looking back, I realized that my wife was not some sensual, Victoria's secret model. She was reserved, down to earth, soft spoken... she liked things like a good book, "comfortable" pajamas, warm blankets, and long shoulder massages. In an instant, I began to realize how selfish and self-centered I had been all those years.

The Lord had revealed to me years ago that He would supply me with the love to love my wife with. And not only that, but He Himself would be the love with which I would love her with. I thought I understood what He had shown me, but I was wrong. It is only now, after nine years and two children am I beginning to grasp how precious a revelation this is. And Ladies and gentlemen, I am still learning.

You see beloved, the purpose of the love that I am supplied with from above is not to better gratify pride. It is not to better satisfy lusts. Nor is it meant to cause one to render better service. This love is for the purpose of sustaining through what the Lord will reveal to be in the heart... your heart. A love that can be rested in with confidence... knowing that no matter what is revealed, the Lord will not abandon. Nor will He be horrified, shocked, disgusted, or appalled... because He knew it all to begin with, and He loved you still.

As the revelations deepen so does His love. He will continue to sustain and guide to willing repentance, that living changes may take place. I believe that as you continue to mature spiritually in your understanding of His love, and how it is to be applied... it is then that the Lord will simultaneously begin to reveal to you your spouse. He begins to reveal to you the person that you actually entered into covenant with. And the revealed person may be very different from the one that you couldn't wait to spend time with when you were dating. In fact, I would submit that if you were actually introduced to the revealed person from the beginning instead of the representative, chances are you never would have gotten married... and I believe the divorce statistics prove this to be true. Nevertheless, your task now is not only to continue to faithfully honor the covenant you made before God Almighty, but to fall in love with the person whom God has begun to unveil to you. Just as you've begun to understand how to rest and be sustained in the love of God, through the revelations of your heart... you must also rest and be sustained by His love through what He reveals to be in your spouse's heart. Falling in love means that pride will continually be sacrificed for gentleness, meekness, humility, and vulnerability. Lust will be reigned in by temperance and replaced with desire and peace. Dead, legalistic service to one another out of marital responsibility will give way to faithful service born out of, and sustained by love. Spending time with one another will change from a miserable chore of endurance to a delight. You won't have to dig to find the affections for your spouse, as the Lord will supply those affections, and you may have a difficult time restraining yourself.

However, you must understand... everything does not become sunshine and rainbows. This is especially true in situations where one spouse has received salvation and the other has not. In those situations you can expect all of hell to break loose through that unsaved spouse. There will be times when you will feel as though you have every right to seek separation and divorce. Yet the Lord commands that we be patient, and willing to endure for however long it may take...

- But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. (1 Corinthians 7:12-17) -

So does the pain ever end? No, I'm afraid not. In fact, old pains will be replaced by new and more intense pains... mostly inflicted by your spouse because your heart is open now. You'll be taken for granted, misunderstood, verbally attacked for no reason other than being in the room, your spouse may become passive aggressive towards you, and may not even like to be around you much... yet if you confront them they may not be able to explain why, or their answers may not make any sense. This is because they have not come to the awakening that you have. I once heard a pastor say that religious, legalistic people who believe they are saved but truly are not, can be the most difficult people in the world to love. The reason being that the spirit in them will seek to justify everything that they do through the twisting and misapplication of the Word. They have no love or affection to offer you. They can only offer service, and many times it is begrudgingly so. Yet they believe they are offering love. With such people the pain can be so great... and without any foreseeable relief, thoughts of death may even enter your mind if it meant you wouldn't have to hurt anymore. But beloved, while the Lord may not stop the hurt, He will be with you through the hurt and He will allow no more to be placed upon you than you can bear.

- There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13) -

It is through the love of the believing husband or wife that willingly endures everything the enemy will unleash against their open heart, that the Lord is glorified... and the unbelieving spouse may be saved.

 

May the Spirit of the Lord be with you.