Just as pride is at the source of all contentions, I believe the solutions to these contentions begin with understanding a proud heart.
The heart can suffer wounds so grievous, so deep, and so painful that only God Almighty can bring healing. This is especially true of the heart filled with pride... it's healing will not come through the tender words of a spouse, spending time with friends, family, counseling, medications, or even church attendance. This kind of healing only comes through a personal encounter with the love God, as sent from the Father, through the Son, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
If healing is resisted it will it will cause these wounds to become like petrified stone over time. Not only that, but these wounds will continually weep bitterness, hatred, sorrow, anxiety, fear...
Interestingly enough, I would submit that this is the condition that plagues most professing believers. It is not complete heart petrification... but partial petrification. Infected wounds that have turned to stone and begun to weep. These husbands and wives can be so sweet, tender, and joyful with each other... yet if they come to close to touching each others wounds you'd think a demon needed to be cast out of them! Beloved, that's because these wounds still hurt. However, this brings up an important question to consider.
I believe the answer to be because of the method by which God chooses to heal. You see my friends, God does not heal wounded pride... He breaks it. He does not cause the rough stony places to become soft and smooth. He exposes and removes the stony places all together... even tearing those places out if need be. Only then will the Lord bind up, heal, and begin to teach one how to love.
I think it obvious that we believers do not love in every situation, and at all times as Jesus commanded us to love.
- Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Matthew 22:37-39) -
We're actually not as concerned with loving God and each other as we are about our own happiness and comfort. Be that as it may, I've become convinced that not all, but most married couples do indeed love each other... but they may not necessarily be "in love" with one another. The Lord has helped me to understand and accept a sorrowful, shattering truth in my nine years of marriage. That truth being the revelation that a proud heart can never truly give or receive love. The reason being that such a heart is "self-centered," not "God-centered." For it is God Himself who supplies us with the love to love with in the first place. He is the source... and God will not suffer His Spirit to enter a proud heart. But God Himself will oppose such a heart.
- Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5) -
"I can't change!"
"I'm set in my ways, and whoever I end up with will just have to get used to me."
- For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. (Matthew 12:37) -
I have to say that the professing Christian that makes this complaint is deceived and living a lie if they truly hold to this and live it out. They are not believers. The love of God is not in them, and they are on their way to a burning hell. I know this because I know that God is love, and love changes people. I don't say this to hurt anyone. I say it because it's true.
- And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:16) -
Furthermore beloved, the changes that occur do not stop with the initial change. His love continually changes us... continually conforms us to His image.
- Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. (Acts 2:38) -
- For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. (Romans 8:29) -
- And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2) -
To "repent" is to "change" one's mind. So when I hear husbands and wives protest change, I know that this is simply pride speaking in an effort to save itself from being broken. Because as the Scriptures make clear, if you cannot change you cannot receive salvation. Therefore, if you have truly been born again then it is possible for you to change. Also I should add that if changes took place at the onset of your relationship but stopped at some point, it's possible that the initial change never took place to begin with. God's love changes us not just once, but continually throughout the remainder of our lives.
This is why we have a lost, carnal, church-goer majority. Because most have never truly repented. They love God, but they are not "in love" with God. They would have you believe that they are willing to change for Him, yet they are not willing to make small changes for a spouse who was created in His image. The carnal church-goer serves an Almighty God that can do all things... except change them it would seem. No, it is not that these couples "can not" change. It is that they "will not" change. There is a difference.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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