It is a testament to the hardness of the hearts of the Pharisees, and their misunderstanding of the Law when they asked Jesus... "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" And again when they asked, "Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?" However, Jesus corrects them in stating that Moses never commanded such a thing to be done. But he permitted it to be so because of the hardness of the people's hearts.
- He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. (Matthew 19:8) -
So what on earth causes the heart to become so unimaginably hard that we become incapable of loving and forgiving others? How in Heaven's name does a Christian couple that starts out so seemingly in love, so full of passion and affections, end up in a bitter divorce... or a cold, dead, affection-less, business-like, shadow of a marriage? The answer is pride. All contentions come by pride.
- Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. (Proverbs 13:10) -
Now let me be clear, I'm not addressing couples who have a legitimate reason to separate, such as physical violence. God does not intend for any woman to stay in a relationship with a physically abusive husband. If a husband should ever raise his hand against his wife in such a way, he should be reported to the authorities. He is acting in rebellion against the will of God, and the wife does not have to submit to that. I think the same should apply to the wife that becomes physically abusive to her husband. Any wife that raises her hand against her husband in such a way should be reported to the authorities. She is acting in rebellion against the will of God, and he is not expected to submit to her. God does not intend for a husband to stay in a relationship with an abusive wife.
That being stated, this is more or less for the husbands and wives that seem to have nothing but verbal contentions between them continually. Those that seem to always be in the middle of some
Beloved, I'm not trying to point fingers or place blame solely on one side. But I believe we've also got to face the reality of the facts concerning this issue.
"...about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher."
The American Psychological Association
I would also add that I vaguely remember seeing a statistic in 2013... this statistic revealed that of the 40 to 50 percent of couples that divorce in America, 70 percent of that percentage was initiated by women citing irreconcilable differences. No fault divorce. No accusations of adultery or physical violence. No abuse of drugs or alcohol. Both parties have a source of income... there was no fault or blame on anybody's part... she just wasn't happy. Now I'm not going to back peddle or apologize for presenting a stat. And I'm sure there are other statistics that may show divorce rates on the decline. However, when I look at my family and the families of my friends, the rate of divorce seems to fit what the Psychological Association claims. And again, I want to emphasize that I'm not trying to point fingers or take sides, as I believe husbands are just as much at fault in the areas that I'm trying to discuss here.
People of God, I believe the only reason differences become irreconcilable... the only reason a couple like this becomes unwilling to work on their marriage, is because of pride.
- Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. (Proverbs 13:10) -
The Hebrew word for pride in this verse is the word "zadown," which means arrogance. This word can be traced back to the root word "Ziyd"(zeed), which means to seethe, to be insolent, to be proud, to presume.
The definitions of these words speaks volumes when you take the time to put it all together.
So what does it mean to be arrogant? Well, arrogance is defined as offensively exaggerating one's own importance.
To seethe is to become violently(emotionally) agitated to the point of loss of self-control. (Agitate simple means to discuss earnestly).
To be insolent is to be contemptuous, rude, disrespectful.
To presume is to take for granted, or assume.
This is what happens when proud hearts collide. They both offensively exaggerate their own importance to each other. Their own needs, their own wants, their own desires, their own perspectives... They eventually become violently(emotionally) agitated to the point of a loss of self-control when neither is willing to back down from an argument... or consider the other's point of view. This results in couples responding to each other with contemptuous, rude, disrespectful behavior as well as taking each other for granted... and neither is willing to see this.
The Hebrew word of "contentions" is the word "matstsah"(mats-tsaw). It means a quarrel, contention, debate, and strife.
A quarrel is defined as a ground of dispute, a verbal clash, a conflict.
To debate is to discuss a question by considering opposed arguments.
Strife is defined as conflict, fight, struggle, and is synonymous with discord, contention, and dissension.
When a husband and wife both have hearts full of pride, sooner or later there will be a war of words.
- O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. (Matthew 12:34) -
TO BE CONTINUED...
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